Thursday, July 22, 2010

Writing a Novel is Easy? Since When?

Conversations with my Muse

"Always know the end before you know the beginning ...”

I recently got into it with my muse, A shadowy figure not unlike Lady Godiva, who started asking me why my book wasn’t written yet. I had no haughty replies, I just stated the obvious; these things take time.

She scrunched up her brow like I had said something offensive.

“Writing is easy,” She said. “I could write a book in a month, tops.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Not interested.”

“Why do you think it’s easy?

She leaned forward, “C’mon. Twilight? I could write that in my sleep.”

“There are a lot of things to consider,” I say.

“Like what?”

“Story. You need a good story.”

“Okay. Easy enough.”

“Ah, but then you need an interesting protagonist.”

“Okay, I guess you mean the main character.”

“Yeah. Also, the protagonist, the main character, has to be interesting enough to carry the story.”


“He also has to have an arc.”

“An arc? Like Noah’s Arc?” She says, laughing.

“No, a personal, emotional and cathartic story arc. He can’t be the same at the end of the book as he is at the beginning.”

“Why not?”

“Cause what’s the point of following this guy through 300 pages if he just ends up the same?”

“Oh. Never thought of that. Well, that doesn’t sound so hard.”

“What about conflict? Drama? We need an antagonist in this story …”

“An antagonist? Like a shit disturber?”

“Right, someone who causes our hero distress.”

“I still don’t see …”

“Also, there’s thematic issues to deal with …”


“Yeah, the novel should have a theme, a motif, it’s gotta be about something other than the story …”

“I don’t understand ….”

“Then there’s Tone, Pace, Style …”

“You’re losing me.”

“Then of course, you have to curb character drift.”

“Character drift?”

“You gotta keep your characters from acting OUT of character …If the characters are not acting like themselves you’ll lose the reader.

“This is getting complicated …”

“What POV should you write your novel in?”


“Point of View. First person, third person …”

“Aren’t you making this more complicated than it should be?”

“No. Like I said, there’s things to consider. Language, for instance.”

“Language? What about English?” She says, laughing.

“There’s different types of English. Colloquial, and literary, regional dialects …”

“Colloquial? You mean slang.”

“I mean, how do people talk? Which brings us to dialogue.”

“Oh, dialogue. Well, I talk enough (laughs) so I should be able to write dialogue easily.”

“Not so easy. You can’t write book dialogue the way people actually talk, you couldn’t get a decent sentence down that way … human speech is fraught with broken sentences, half-thoughts, uh’s and um’s … and you need dialogue attribution or people won't know who's saying what ...”

“Yeah but …”

“And, do all the characters talk the same way? You need dialogue quirks, inflections unique to each character, so they don’t all sound like each other. Where are the characters from? Does that influence their speech patterns? Will one character from Place B curse a lot whereas character from place A will not? Or vice Versa? How about back story? These people need a history of some sort, or they won’t seem real.

“Slow down, Hemingway …”

“You also need to think about foreshadowing, onomatopoeia, incremental repetition, conflict heightening, resolution …”

“You’re losing me again.”

“And research. You can’t forget research.”

“What’s there to research? I have Google for that.” (Laughs again, but this time nervously)

“Setting, you have to set the story someplace. Some research is in order there. Also, if you’re writing a police story or a story involving high finance, say, you need to do your homework or you’ll look rather silly.”

“I never thought of that.”

“And your characters can’t be vague, or clichéd, and your prose can’t be dull. Same goes for your actual story; you can’t trot out a tired old plot and expect people not to fall asleep reading it. It’s a fine line to walk.”

“I never knew so much was involved.”

“Then there’s the second draft, maybe a third draft (which would be a polish …) editing, copy-editing, re-writes …”

“Whoa! You have to write the book again?”

“Sometimes three times.”

“That sucks.”

“Yup. But it’s necessary. Still think writing a book is easy?”

“I’m beginning to think not.”

“You also can’t be Polemic.”

“Polemic?” (rolls eyes)

“Yeah. You can’t beat people over the head with a message, or a theme, you can’t have an axe to grind.”

“You mean you can’t lecture your reader?”

“Right. They’ll throw your book off a cliff and tell you to go chase it.”

“I thought writing was supposed to be fun and easy. What’s with all the strict guidelines?”

“No guidelines, but you need to know your stuff. For instance, you need to outline a novel before you start to write it. A novel needs prep work, or you could be writing in circles.”

“Ugh. Hate outlines. My English teacher used to make me do those for my essays.”

“Right, and you also need chapter outlines. You need to know where your story is going. And here’s a spoiler, you have to know the end of your book before you know the beginning.”

“Kind of like Pulp Fiction?”

“Sorta, but in a not so Twisted way.”

(Shakes head) “Why would you want to be a writer? Sounds like a lot of work.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling you!”

“You must be crazy.”

“And, once the book is written, the real work begins. Agents, query letters, book titles, cover art, copyrights …”

(She sighs, takes a sip of her drink) Forget I mentioned it!

“See? Always know the end before you know the beginning.”


  1. This gave me a headache cause I just finished my first book and I'm starting another. Thinking that I have to go through all this again is really discouraging. But it is what I love.

    Great and funny post. =)

  2. I was trying to articulate to that layman exactly HOW hard it is to write a book, and this is the only way I knew of, in the form of a fictitious conversation with my muse.

    Thanks for stopping by! And, let's get scribbling!

  3. I love this. You know. I have been hammering out my first novel for going on 2 years now. I am nearing completion of my second draft.

    It's exactly as you said. I had a lot of things to think about, before I could considering the re-write in the first place.

    And since I am writing fantasy, it made it even more of a challenge. Great post as always, David.

  4. Brilliant. But I feel sorry that you feel so bound to rules and process. I live in a world of chaos, and constant distraction. Some of it is my own damned fault, I'll admit that, but a lot of it is the reality of my situation. It is a blessing if I am allowed an hour of uninterrupted writing, especially writing directed at a singular project, a day. Therefore, I haven't the time for rules or planning; I simply need to trudge through without regard to process.

  5. Haha same here Decode. But rewriting whole novel now. Almost done with first draft. But I do a lot with my first drafts, I kinda edit as I go along and fix. So it's like I'm doing two drafts in one I guess, lol. But writing a book is not easy! I use to think I could write a million books, maybe I could. But they wouldn't be any good unless i tried like I am now.

  6. Just excellent, David! Thanks for the chuckle, and for making me feel very proud of the hard work we do!
    Have a super weekend.

  7. Sounds exactly like a conversation I should have with my mom, a banker, who always says to me when she sees me writing, "I think I'll write a book..." :)

  8. What a conversation! That was a fun read.

  9. Excellent post!! I can't wait to go home so I can print this out. It's a great summary of most (if not all) the necessary steps one should consider when writing any fictional novel. I want to be able to have a copy in front of me as I work on writing my own novel. Good luck with yours and thank you for the references.

  10. Cathy -

    The funny (and possibly sad part) is that I left out tons of other information! There are so many elements to writing a book that it just hurts my brain to think about it!

    But that said, thanks for the kind words, and keep writing ...


  11. "...Like a shit disturber?”

    ROFL Awesome.

  12. Is that the shit I do? Damn, I just find a great character in my head and let him or her take over the book. Of course my muse, Gracie, says my head sets sideways on my shoulders so maybe I'm different. LOL

  13. This is meant as a humorous way to explain to non-writer people all the things that go into writing a book, of course, we don't ARTICULATE all the things we do when we write, we just kinda learn and then just do. If that makes any sense!

    When I write, I don't follow a laundry list of things either (my brain would forget them anyway)

    Thanks for the comments ... =)

  14. Haha, a very amusing conversation with the muse. It sounds like the thoughts of a struggling writer. You're right, knowing the end before you begin is good to know what direction you're headed. After I got started, I found the end so clichéd that I changed it..I'll probably change it again once more.

  15. You are definitely right! Thanks, though if you click here, you'll find ever more tips.

  16. Interesting post. According to me writing is easy since then we take it as a challenge. We take things difficult for no reason so this is the reason things get tougher. It is an easy task where you can use proper words.

  17. I do not think that write a novel is not so easy. You can write anything but it should be have a standard of it. So do not think that it is so easy to write a novel. helpful link will help you to know more.

  18. You talk that writing a Novel is essay. But It is very critical topic and need more experience about that. I mostly like tips point how to start and how to end. Also importance phd thesis writing services for students.

  19. Writing a novel needs a lot of potential to write something amazingly. The list of thigs which we have to keep in mind is soo long. Well we can do anything if we are motivated.


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